[Luke]

A math teacher and his wife were both 54 years old. One evening the wife came home and found a note from her husband. It said: ''My dear, you are 54 years old and there are some things you are not giving me, so I am at the Holiday Inn with my 18-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me.''
He returns home that night to find a note from his wife: ''You are also 54 years old and there are things I need that you're not giving me. So I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 18-year-old students and you (being a math teacher) should know that 18 goes into 54 way more than 54 goes into 18, so don't YOU wait up for ME.''



A man had an idea that could make him rich. After it was perfected he brought it to an inventors' help group.
When asked what his great invention was, he pulled out an apple. The group looked at it and started laughing. The inventor said, "You don't understand! Taste it."
A volunteer tried it and said, "Mmmmmmm, tastes like peaches."
The inventor said, "Flip it over."
He flipped it over and took another chunk of the apple. "Mmmmmmmm, tastes like grapes."
The inventor offered a new apple and the volunteer said, "What does it taste like?"
"A Lady," said the inventor.
The guy bit into it, and spit it out with an awful look on his face and shouted, "That tasted like ass!"
The inventor winked and said, "Flip it over."




An elephant was walking through the jungle one day when it suddenly stepped on a thorn, wedging it between its toes. Being in too much pain to continue, the elephant lay down and began to cry.
Shortly after, an ant came across the elephant and asked why she was crying. "I have a thorn in my foot and it's too painful to walk," cried the elephant.
The ant thought a minute and offered a deal: "I'll pull the thorn from your foot, if you let me have my way with you."
"Okay, I'll do anything," whined the elephant. "Just get the damn thorn out!"
The ant pulled the thorn out, then mounted the elephant and began to hump away. Two monkeys in a nearby tree witnessed the whole thing and were laughing their asses off. They started throwing coconuts at the elephant, and finally one hit her square in the head. The elephant yelled, "YEOUCH!"
The ant said, "Yeah, that's riiight, take it all bitch!"