[Luke]

There are always two sides of the story.

A. Her Story

He was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at the pub for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I had promised – but he didn’t say anything much about it.

The conversation was very slow going so I thought that we would go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk privately.

We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny . I tried to cheer him up, and wondered whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn’t really sure.

So, anyway – in the car on the way home I told him that I loved him deeply, and he just put his arm around me. I don’t know what the hel_l that means because, you know, he didn’t say it back or anything. This really worries me.

We finally got home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV, and sat with a distant look in his eyes that seemed to day that it’s all over between us.

Reluctantly, I said that I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes he joined me, and to my surprise , he responded to my advances and we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him – but I just cried myself to sleep.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think that he is seeing someone else and that my life is a disaster.




B. His Story

Australia lost the cricket. Got a root though.






A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a Parramatta, NSW courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the English Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.




An englishman wants to marry an irish girl and is told he needs to become irish before he can do so. It is a very simple operation where they remove 5% of your brain.
Anyway the englishman wakes up after the operation and the doctor comes up to him looking all worried and say "I am terribly sorry, theres been a mistake to be sure, we accidently removed 50% of your brain instead of 5%!"
The englishman sits up and simply say "She'll be right, mate"




While waiting to finalise their Australian residental status, two Afghanistani men start chatting. As they part, they agree to meet in a years time and see who has adapted better to the Australian way of life.
True to their word, they meet after the year is up. The first says to the second "We have integrated so well...yesterday, I ate a meat pie and drank a VB while watching my son play Aussie rules"
The second man replies "F**k off, towelhead"